A Guide to Speak Romance Like a Generation Z: Fifty-One Hyperspecific Phrases for Romance, Intimacy and Bad Behaviour

This period marks a full decade since the word “ghosting” hit the common lexicon. Initially, the concept that someone could abruptly cease all contact with a lover without any notice seemed like the peak of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a partner has only become more confounding – an frequently pointless pursuit in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by online lingo.

Zoomers, a generation who grew up during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a coordinated attack on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their millennial forerunners could ever imagine. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more extensive and more deranged, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” testing the limits of your mental fortitude.

What follows is a detailed glossary to the terms this generation is using to talk about love, sex and the quest of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most viral memes, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

A

Realness – According to Zoomers, dating’s ultimate goal is presenting as your real, unfiltered self. Good luck with that!

B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon connected to a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your date's reaction is interested or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Zoomers' answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Support test – This refers to seeking out someone who supports you proactively. If you entered a room, they would pull up a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A outing where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do budget-friendly dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or breakup, dumping all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie affluence, it refers to pairs who opt out of parenthood to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Open communication – The antithesis of playing it cool: embracing dialogue, transparency and openness.

F

Flags

• Warning signs – Behavioral habits signaling a prospective partner is trouble. Examples include calling their former partners unstable, subpar gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks affirm your decision to pursue a mate. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe specific, largely harmless quirks. Examples include being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who despises the same things or people that you do (nothing fosters closeness faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately delaying climax so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A trend describing many women's increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An stereotype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly home-oriented, who apparently has no ambitions of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and frequently trivial turnoffs that instantly extinguish any feelings of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an extremely sweet display.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal partner: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be waning since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy authentic.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {