A Companion Constantly Talks On Her Own Life: Is It Time to End the Friendship?

We've been friends for more than 20 years, who has overcome many obstacles, and I respect her for that. Yet, she's repeatedly blindsided by people. Her partner ended their marriage, and it was an unexpected event. Many of her friends vanished at that point, because they seemed only interested in the spouse. It shocked her. She made increased attention in our friendship, and must have grasped better the meaning of companionship.

The Pattern In Relationships

Throughout this period, many in her circle vanished and she isn't sure why. The company she worked for suddenly changed toward her, despite the fact that she was very skilled at her work, and she left unaware of what had changed.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, we've both stepped back from work leading to more frequent meetups, but I am finding the part I play between us is as the audience. I introduce discussion points but she shifts the talk toward her own topics. Politically, she expresses strong opinions. I try to propose factchecking or other angles.

She is organizing a holiday to a country I've visited repeatedly even called home for a while. My intention was to share advice, yet it was met with resistance. She purely only wanted my agreement with her choices. I recently come back from 30 days in that place and she wants to catch up, however, I hesitate.

Weighing the Options

I hesitate to be a friend that walks away without a word, but I don't think she can grasp the impact of her actions on my self-esteem. Right now, my state is pulling back. How should I proceed?

Ways Forward

You could cut and run, but it is rarely the easy answer we hope for. Yet having a direct talk with the goal of resolution takes courage and readiness for each of you.

Therapists recommend using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step involves describing how things go when you talk. It should be objective and clear and essentially exactly what occurs. Step two is to express her how it leaves you feeling. There should be no disagreement about this. Your feelings are valid, of course. Step three is to question how you are both going to change the pattern in your relationship."

Consider that she also has her own side, so you need to remain ready to listen to her. An approach that works involves stating to the other person:

"It's your turn to speak and I promise to not say anything for half an hour."

Final Thoughts

This person might reject your concerns, as some people hold onto a deep-seated story: they have a narrative regarding their experiences they cannot abandon as it feels essential is tied to it and it's all they trust. This poses a challenge because there's no clear path here, just dead ends. But she may start out like this then consider on your words. And even if a resolution isn't found an agreement, it will give you closure that you've been open and direct.